Only a mothe r could love this liver
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
50% drunk capacity currently
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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