I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
