my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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