im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
