just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
