I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
