That's intense
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
