dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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