I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
