I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
