I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
