I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
