Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
