I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
