8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
