Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
