I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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