Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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