Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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