did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
