I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
