guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
