he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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