Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just want to make out with him forever
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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