Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
