So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
