If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
