So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
