god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
