Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
