Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
