Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
