Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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