Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
