you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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