Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
