The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
