I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
