i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
