tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
