I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
