I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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