I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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