Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
