I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
