I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
