Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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