who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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