This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
