You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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