Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
