bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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