You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
